Relentlessly Positive, Personal and Specific

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Before the game I approached the other coach. Usually we share a few friendly words with the visiting coaches, but I wanted him to understand what he was up against.

So after we exchanged handshakes and said hello, I pulled him aside out of earshot of our teams and said, “Look, I just want you to know we’ve lost every single game this season. We’ve been getting crushed actually. I don’t think the boys are frustrated, and we certainly focus on teamwork, hard work and fair play, but honestly we’ve been getting killed. By everyone. I just thought you should know. So maybe if it looks you’re having a runaway win, please keep that in mind.”

He looked at me and said, “We have too! We’ve lost every game!” Perfect. And so with that understanding between us coaches we opened up another U11 boys soccer game on a beautiful Saturday.

And sure enough, the game was fair and competitive. From the opening whistle both teams had their share of small frustrations and grand triumphs. There was more generous passing, more vocal encouragement between the players, and less complaining about positions. In fact, several players were asking – nearly begging – to play defense. It was a glorious moment of camaraderie.

Early in the second half, we found ourselves in the strange, and foreign, position of leading by one goal. Coach Scott and I agreed we were quietly cheering for the other team to score. And wonderfully, they did score to tie it up. In the end, we astonished ourselves and won the game. Afterwards, the moment of both teams slapping hands and congratulating each other felt honest and earnest. I heard very few complaints about either the referee or opposing players.

I’ve participated in a number of coaching clinics, and read quite a bit of material on youth coaching, and developing talent. Curiously, there remains a fairly large minority of parent volunteer coaches nationally who have the perception that learning constructive coaching techniques from experts, and attending coaching certification and counseling is unnecessary and without value.

And yet, these same studies reflect that once coaches adopt “relentlessly positive” approaches to both skill development on the field and social development with their teammates, some pretty remarkable things happen. To begin with, while up to 26% of kids nationally quit sports, only 5% of kids quit the game when they have a coach trained in Coaching Effectiveness Training (CET). Not only that, those children who started the season with lower self-esteem and played for a “relentlessly positive” coach showed a greater increase in self-esteem over the season.

I had an interview last week in New York with child psychologist Joel Haber who affirmed these methods and reminded that positive coaching still needs to be personal and specific, not just positive. Saying “great job!” isn’t nearly as effective as say something specific such as, “I like the way you always stayed in front of the attacker when defending. You stayed in front of him and pushed the ball to the outside. He never had a chance to get by you. That worked great.”

Joel also reminded me of the downside of negative coaching. When a child leaves the field during a game and you point out something they did wrong, it leaves a powerful emotional wake. It not only conveys the message that you were disappointed, it won’t increase their learning and performance later either. When they go back on the field, their head will be filled with what not to do, instead of what to do. It has a paralyzing effect.

Parents: Your Kids Are Watching

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parentsarewatchingAside from a smattering of applause here and there, the parents were completely silent. And myself, as the coach, instead of standing on the sidelines and giving instruction periodically to players, I was sitting on the bench watching quietly, with a clipboard updating positions where the kids were playing on the field. And keeping track of time remaining in the game.

We were participating in a weekend of “Silent Sidelines.” Aside from light applause, parents and coaches are all asked to remain silent throughout the game. The point of the exercise is to give the game back to the kids because it is, after all, a game. Instead of listening to the often confusing shouts of parents and coaches who can succumb to “joysticking” players from the sidelines and providing specific kinds of shouts and directions – “Move left! Farther! Faster! Pass Pass! Get back on defense! Quick!” – the adults stay quiet while the kids work it out themselves.

During these games, the only thing you hear is the kids talking to each other on the field. And over the course of the game their banter got louder and more assertive. They gained confidence in supporting each other, and less distracted by the usual noise from the sidelines. Almost universally, everyone participating last weekend agreed it was a valuable exercise.

I embraced the notion of “giving the game back to the kids” to the extent of even allowing them to pick their own positions during substitutions. The only provision, of course, was that kids could not choose the same player to substitute for. It worked for the most part. I had to intervene a few times when kids all wanted to play the same position.

The exercise reminded me of David Kelley, CEO and founder of IDEO, the premiere design and innovation firm. As you can imagine David has often assembled and led team meetings populated with sharp, creative and opinionated people. I had an interview with Stanford professor and writer Bob Sutton who described David’s behavior at these meetings. When things are going poorly – when there is a lack of focus and agreement and direction – Kelley will spend a significant amount of time at the front of the room guiding discussion and reinforcing ideas from everyone. And when the discussions are going well, he will move to the back of the room, and only punctuate the discussion with occasional provocative questions.

And when meetings are going very well, if you aren’t paying attention, David might slip out the door. Because he understands not only that the best ideas come from the people in the organization but also that his presence can possibly stifle conversation, and get in the way. He calls this “Managing by walking out the door.”

Only Do What Only You Can Do

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yourfocus

Your focus needs more focus – Mr. Han

Part of what makes us feel valuable, important and useful is getting things done. We fill the quiet spaces with activity and busyness, and it makes us feel like we’re getting things accomplished. And maybe we are, and maybe sometimes we’re just running the same gerbil wheel to give ourselves the sense that we’re making progress. Yet our own growth often comes from attempting what is difficult, and letting go of what has become merely habitual or routine, which others can do better.

I had a conversation with Lisa Vos of Melbourne Business School recently who teaches managers to “only do what only you can do.” That is to say, managers and leaders should focus on those particular tasks and activities which they are truly the best at in their organization, and let others do those tasks and projects which best suit their skills.

As you might imagine, in practice this is terribly difficult to do because managers want to feel important and valuable by getting things done, but have lost sight that it’s the people around them that are likely more capable at handling the specific tasks.

As a leader, by honing your skills and talents on what you are indeed most expert at in the organization, you are not only providing unique and signature value, but also giving control and autonomy to those around you to perform the tasks that they are better suited to. Refraining from jumping in to save the day will create internal tension and anxiety. Vos’ advice is to acknowledge that internal tension and remind yourself that there are people in the organization who are more skilled than you, and that’s a good thing. By curtailing your urge to leap in, you are also strengthening another by letting them lead on a task or project they are better suited to.

Focus, and let go.

Two surprising motivators

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Over five years ago my cycling partner and friend Erich contacted me and suggested we should ride in the three-day, 180 mile Trek Across Maine. It seemed like a reasonable and fun challenge, and all for a good cause to fight lung cancer. I was in. Then he added, “We’re taking the boys.”

He had two boys just about the same age as our two boys (five and seven years old at the time) and I realized immediately this whole expedition had multiplied in complexity. Understand, Erich is a friend whose intensity and drive is higher than most people I know. When invited to ride with him I learned early on a “ride” often meant about twice as far and twice as intense as I was envisioning. I learned to calibrate expectations to Erich’s world, but this audacious challenge was something new.

We rigged up bicycle contraptions featuring a tandem bicycle, plus a “tag-along” (pictured) to accommodate the three of us. The machine, plus the bicycle bags, known as panniers – loaded with rain gear, snacks, water, and probably a few miscellaneous things the kids claimed to need, all weighed in at over 400 pounds with us on board. This was our “triple-bike.”

My mental orientation going into this venture was that it was my job to do the work, and make sure the kids were safe, fed, dry, and hopefully having fun on this expedition. But over sixty miles per day throughout the hills across Maine it became quickly clear that their effort was valuable indeed. While small, when they chose to work and push the pedals over, from my seat I could definitely feel a difference. So while in my mind the journey started on the strength of my efforts alone, It quickly became clear that the difference in not only speed and energy conservation, but also camaraderie and real teamwork, came down to how well we worked as a team to push through hill after hill on these three days.

For example, if approaching a hill, as my son Will was back there throwing water on his brother and generally goofing off, I could say sternly, “If you don’t pedal now, then at the top of this hill I’m going to put you in the Sag wagon and you can ride the rest of the say in the wagon of shame!” (“Sag” is as in “sagging behind”.  In events with lots of non-professionals, the sag wagon picks up people who have fallen behind or are dropping out.) And this terse warning might get him to pedal harder for perhaps thirty or sixty seconds. Or inversely, I could urge my son Charlie on by saying, “Buddy, if you pedal really hard we’ll get to the top quicker and I think they are serving ice cream at the next rest stop.” And this might bring about an energetic minute or so of focused pedaling.

Neither negative or positive immediate encouragement yielded any long term motivation. It became clear as the hours went by and the ride went on that there were a number of much more powerful motivators that were much more effective, and fun.

Engaged with other cycling teams
It turned out what I had vastly underestimated – completely overlooked actually – was the importance of doing this journey with Erich and his boys, their friends. They would constantly be aware of where our friends were on the road – either ahead or behind – and we would create ways to interact by riding along side and chatting, or goading each other up the hills. And often we would encounter, and ride, with other participants in the event, which fostered a great sense of communal participation in the event.

Connecting with the Why
After the first year we participated in the Trek Across Maine when the boys were then five and seven years old, I decided they needed a greater and more direct understanding of why we were doing the event. In advance of the next year’s event we rode the triple bike around the neighborhood, and the boys would knock on doors, tell the story about what we were doing, and ask for donations to help fight lung cancer. That active participation in gathering donations for the event connected the boys, and our family, with the deeper reason of why we were participating.

These two small and simple changes in mental orientation – collaborating with others and connecting with purpose – created a powerful sense of engagement in the event, and translated into big pedal power (read: team performance gains).

Dealing with Innovation Blockers

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Ever get excited about an idea and have it demolished, shot down, blown up, ridiculed, or just ignored? Here are a few of the innovation blocker personas you might find in your workplace, and a few ideas to get around, jump over, or jedi mind-trick them.

The Bureaucrat builds consistency, and sets limits to ensure rule adherence, but has gone a little overboard. This persona’s favorite quotes include “Has this been approved?”, “Fill out this form,” or “That’s not in this budget cycle.” Any organization that aspires to scalability and developing size beyond the fun start-up phase, requires a level of protocol and operational systems thinking, which necessarily means implementing processes and procedures. Everyone in such an organization can’t simply “wing it” on their own personal path to developing innovation. However, the Bureaucrat has gone too far.

Here are a few tips for working with the Bureacrat:

  • Prepare before going to them. Write down what you believe you need and be as specific as possible. You won’t be able to anticipate all of the red tape and paperwork, but you can probably predict much of it. Compile all of the evidence and information you think you might need and have a paper trail to back up your efforts.
  • Participate in the process. Don’t be content if they say they will get back to you. Ask what steps they need to go through and then request to participate in the process. Because you are the primary stakeholder, we may be able to chase down information faster.
  • Check in. They might give you a vague answer like, “It takes between five and ten days.” Tell them you will check back in five days, then do it. Your punctuality will send a message you expect the same from them. To them, your persistence will elevate the importance of your project.

The Wimp Sponsor is a project champion who lacks attention, interest, or clout and whose favorite lines include “Can you rework the business plan on this?” and “Let’s study this some more.” Forever terrified of social risk, and losing political capital, your Wimp Sponsor is either unable or unwilling to champion your efforts. Consumed with cowardice, these impotent and ineffective sponsors need to be identified and addressed from both above and below.

  • If you work for a Wimp: Take the initiative. You aren’t likely to get permission or have them ask you to take action. Remember they’re a wimp, so be proactive. Take the first few steps in your initiative and report on your progress. The Wimp isn’t likely to ask you to stop or retrace your steps. They just don’t have the courage to ask you to move forward because they don’t want to be responsible for your actions
  • If you manage a Wimp: Create specific targets and deadlines together, but let them lead the way. Wimps often know their weakness, and it’s best to allow them to state out loud what they believe needs to be done. Ask them these simple three questions: “What are you trying to accomplish that requires more than just you? Who would be the best people to help? What stands in your way?” By answering those three questions out loud, you will help the Wimp build their own accountability and publicly take the first step in developing a successful project initiative.

The Power Monger believes power and resources are more important than results. The Power Monger has already achieved some level of power and status. Favorite quotes are “I’ve already thought of that,” “I’m already doing that in my group,” and “Hope you can do that with your own people.” The Power Monger operates from a viewpoint of scarcity. They believe there aren’t enough resources to go around and it’s important to hoard and protect assets and information.

  • Start with praise. The Power Monger is likely to be sensitive to criticism and to reject new ideas. The first step is to use gracious, yet authentic, flattery. False flattery, although effective, propagates a dishonest work environment. Find areas of excellence in this power hungry person and give them honest and direct praise for it.
  • Use the power of suggestion. There is a famous scene in Star Wars in which the young Luke Skywalker and his mentor Obi-wan Kenobi are at a guard check point in a land speeder. The Imperial stormtroopers are in search of droids that are with them, but Obi-wan uses a Jedi mind trick to make the stormtrooper in charge believe and say, “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for…. He can go about his business.” The power monger needs to feel as if the idea came from them. Instead of dictating or directing your ideas, pose them as questions.

Bureaucrats, Wimps, and Power Mongers are common foes to the innovation champion. But remember this before you go looking to ID these people. Start by assuming the best intentions of everyone around you. Whether meek, powerful or simply pushing paper around, when we first assume the best of people they will often rise to the occassion and reveal the best version of themselves. Expect the best and back it up with a good offensive strategy.

Finding the Guru Within

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“While we teach, we learn”
– Seneca

One of the greatest gifts you can offer another is unconditional, open sharing of ideas and wisdom to grow their ideas and talents. Everyone benefits, not only obviously the person receiving advice and direction from a trusted mentor, but also the coach himself benefits greatly from the experience.

When you take the time to seek out a talented coach, ask for advice, and aspire to a particular habit, behavior, or way of life, you can better:

  • Figure out what matters to you and your growth to make an impact
  • Amplify your focus by removing lesser priorities
  • Connect with people and ideas more closely aligned
  • Identify and remove blind spots

Yet even more powerfully, when you take the time to show up and offer your own thoughtful advice, energy and direction, the impact can be surprisingly valuable for you, the advisor. Consider, if you can teach something you first have to learn it deeply enough to share it in a meaningful and clearly articulate way. In order to teach something as an effective and credible advisor, you also need to deepen your knowledge and understanding such that you can handle penetrating questions, and know where to find answers. If someone you are working with develops a greater curiosity, you should know where to direct their next inquiry.

The best coaches develop a deep emotional fluency such that they have strong understanding of their player’s strengths. John Wooden, one of the most successful college basketball coaches of all time, coached so personally and directly that he spoke, on average, for only four seconds at a time, and most often only to individual players.  In the movie “The Blind Side,” Sandra Bullock’s character draws out the best football player in Big Mike by reinforcing the fact that he scored 98% on “protective instincts.”

The etymology of guru is “teacher” or “master.”  Guru has also come to mean “one who dispels the darkness of ignorance.”  I had a wonderful interview Monday with Dr. Sujaya Banerjee, Chief Learning Officer for Essar Group, one of the fastest growing companies in India.

Essar has developed a remarkably successful coaching and mentoring program by appealing to cultural influences. Indians believe in rebirth and the cyclical nature of life.  Which means aspiring toward being immortal, becoming “amar” in Hindi.  The philosophy of mentoring at Essar teaches that a way to become immortal is to coach and mentor.  Senior executives and managers are encouraged to develop their immortal self through developing the wise guru within another, younger associate. By tapping into this intrinsic motivation to build an eternal legacy of wisdom, executives see clearly they have a path to create a legacy, and preserve their own immortal wisdom through others.

Share your gifts without pause or regret.  I once wrote a rap to introduce Keith Ferrazzi, based on his book Never Eat Alone.  You can read the bit in the rap about mentoring below or see the video here.

But before you focus on improving your standard of living
Remember you earn trust and proximity first by giving
With a big head you’ll think you turn everything to gold
Be careful in your success, don’t let hubris take hold
Your final task should you choose to accept
Is share this wonderful gift, without pause or regret
For if its true legacy you want to approach
Teach and share, become a mentor, a coach
People in the house
Open up your hearts and minds, there is nothing to fear
To deliver this message Keith Ferrazzi is here

The #1 Motivator in the World

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I know. That title is a big call. Not to worry, we have Teresa Amabile, author of The Progress Principle, to back us up. I was fascinated and enthralled by her work and book when it came out early in the fall 0f 2011, and just one week before meeting her to collaborate on an event, I made the following mistake: I was conducting a workshop with 86 senior executives and asked them Teresa’s question in a quiz-format:
Rank-order the following employee motivation factors:

  • Recognition
  • Incentives
  • Clear goals
  • Progress in the work
  • Interpersonal support

    • Most people in the room chose Recognition, then Interpersonal Support, then Clear Goals, then Incentives and Progress last. Seven people chose Progress. Less than 10%. Perfect right? Since this is my opportunity to share Teresa’s work and illuminate the truth that the #1 motivator is a sense of progress. More specifically “progress in meaningful work.”

    This was supposed to be the moment of ah-ha, the moment of illuminating insight, but instead there were a lot of frowns, and after a beat one executive raised her hand to say, “But without Clear Goals, progress is meaningless. Clear Goals must be the most important.” I couldn’t stop myself and said, “Yes, you are speaking from the perspective of the team leader. You know and understand there must be clear, actionable goals in order to make progress. But the question was ‘What is the most powerful motivator of the members of the team?”

    Teresa and her colleague Steven Kramer analyzed 12,000 diary entries from 238 employees in 7 companies to come to the qualified conclusion that the most valuable work motivator is indeed, a sense of progress (in meaningful work). And even though I knew from her research that only 5% of leaders surveyed understood that, still I persisted in pressing the point.

    When I met with Teresa, she said she didn’t present her findings in such a “gotcha” format because of that very reason. And her goal was to spread this important message until the needle pushed way past 50%, and then perhaps she would try it in a quiz-format.

    Two take-aways:
    1. The #1 motivator for contributors is progress (in meaningful work)
    2. Never ever make your audience feel stupid

    When sharing insight with anyone – either personally one on one or in a large group – allow people to feel like they have come to the insightful conclusion on their own, and build their own insights to apply to their work. Make people feel stronger, smarter, better-equipped to propel their team and drive innovation.

    Drop Anchors Carefully

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    A few years ago at a Sioux Falls, ID supermarket, the owners experimented with marketing labels next to cans of soup. Some days the label said “10% off regular price, limit 10 per customer,” and on other days it said “10% off regular price, no limit per customer.” Shoppers purchased twice as many on the days with limitations. The sense of scarcity set an anchoring effect, and the number 10 set a mental anchor of the amount of cans they should buy. So, those presented with the limited availability felt a mental urge to buy more.

    Similarly, if I ask you, “Is the oldest dog in the world older or younger than 60 years?” and then I ask you, “How old is the oldest dog?”, your answer will be higher than if I just ask you “How old is the oldest dog in the world?” You know instinctively that a 60 year old dog is completely nuts, but it will still have a psychological priming effect and sway your guess upwards. Significantly upwards it turns out. Your dog-age guess will be over a decade above your guess without the suggestion of a 60-year old dog.

    Mental anchors are everywhere, and quite effectively used in negotiations. The above example is from Daniel Kahnemann’s new book Thinking Fast and Slow. In his chapter on the anchoring effect, he also points out that we are much more susceptible to psychological anchors during times of stress and anxiety. If we are in a stressful state and someone suggests a point of direction, or an idea to consider, we are much more likely to accept and build on that idea, instead of patiently and thoughtfully questioning it. In another Kahnemann-type example, if you are nervous and I ask even a ridiculous question like, “Is your arm getting numb?” You are far more likely to believe your arm might actually be getting numb instead of reject such a nutty suggestion.

    Consider this next time you speak your mind: In times of stress with mounting deadlines, you can more easily make your case but you do so at the expense of allowing the thoughtful contribution of the team. And then sacrifice the voice of the community who might have a more powerful collective idea than you. Create a space to allow considered contribution. You will almost always create a stronger result.

    [Cool cartoon from Andertoons – check them out]

    Make it Human, Connect with the Impact

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    There’s a small trick, a small shift in thinking, in mindset, that can translate to immense performance gains. It’s this: connect personally with the impact, the change or result of what you do. Let me give you an example. Adam Grant is a talented young professor at the Wharton School and he conducted a study a couple years ago in which he worked with a group of students at the University of Michigan. These students were earning a little extra cash by making cold calls to alumni to raise money which would go to scholarship fund. The fund was used to help finance the tuition for students accepted at the university but unable to afford the tuition.

    So Grant and his colleagues divided the students into three separate groups and had them perform activities for just 10 minutes before their call shift. With one group, the students could do whatever they wanted for 10 minutes before their calls. Check out facebook, text their friends, whatever. The second group was asked to read letters for a few minutes from people who had benefitted from the scholarship fund that they were working on, and then talk about the contents of the letter with their peers for a couple minutes.

    The third group was also given a handful of letters to read together, but after a few minutes in the break room, they got a surprise. The call organizer would say, “We have a special guest on the phone.” And on the phone was a real recipient of the scholarship fund the students were working on. And for just 5 minutes, the students talked on a speaker phone in the break room with the beneficiary. They could ask questions about where they were from, what classes they were taking, what they intended do after they graduated, etc. Just for five minutes.
    At the conclusion of the five minute phone call with the beneficiary, the organizer would say “Remember this when you’re on the phone—this is someone you’re supporting.”

    That’s it. A ten minute intervention to connect the callers with the impact, the difference, the real goal of their work. The result? 250% increase in revenue performance sustained over a month after that one single intervention. 250% better than their peers that had no direct contact with the beneficiaries.

    Take an opportunity to find and talk to the people who actually consume, touch, experience, contact what you offer or what you create. It will remind you of why you do what you do. It will lead to higher quality, integrity and excellence in craftsmanship and relationship with your customer. And higher performance too. How does 250% sound?

    When you Systematize, You Sterilize

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    “To systematize is to sterilize.”
    – Shlomo Maital

    Lionel Messi plays soccer with the joy of a child. His inventiveness and wizardry can leave you (his opponents too) gaping in awe. In an interview for the New York Times with Jere Longman, Messi stated that he would quit the game as soon as it stopped being fun.

    I have three kids and I’m convinced that they will far exceed me in their capability in pretty much anything that they’re working on currently. The capacity and abilities of my daughter, for example, in ballet and building fairy houses is well…already beyond anything I’m capable of, but that shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me. My boys, currently nine and eleven, are into skiing and soccer at the moment, and because of the understood 10,000 hour rule, popularized by Malcolm Gladwell, I’m quite certain that they will far surpass me as well.

    Last night I coached an indoor soccer game with my son Will’s team, and although individually each player is quite talented, we were playing a team that was a little bigger and little older than us. And while it was a close match at halftime, in the second half the opposite team outscored us probably 5-1. Later that evening I attended a party and I was chatting with Artie, one of the fathers of a player on our team who had grown up playing a game called futsal. Futsal is a game in which you play with a small ball on a small court, and the ball doesn’t bounce so well. The game rewards creative, inventive play, and since it’s played on small court, like indoor soccer, most goals come from either breakaways or crisp passing to find opportunities. The game does not reward a single individual attempting end to end efforts.

    Artie was suggesting that we should play the game more like basketball in which once we lose the ball our team should retreat immediately back to a defensive position and wait for the opposing team to attack. Once we regain possession of the ball we should try for breakaways down the wings – down the sides and out of traffic on this small field. He pointed out that almost all of the goals scored in the game came from breakaways, we should employ the same tactic.

    I’ve only been coaching soccer and lacrosse for a few years now – mostly to my young boys – but Artie has clued me into a couple things that Daniel Coyle has known from studying the worlds best coaches and players around the world, in disciplines ranging from skiing, to soccer to violin playing. The best coaches he finds, talk less yet say more, and let the kids define the play to accelerate the learning.

    If you’re a parent watching sports, you have observed it is quite common to see coaches and parents from the sidelines yelling directions or ideas. But as the kids will remind me, and I’ve already observed, they really don’t hear very much as people yell from the sidelines. They hear you in the small moments when you speak to them personally and directly. The second key idea is to set up structured drills, but then allow the exercise to evolve as the kids choose the way the drill is created in real time.

    The first idea is intuitive. It makes sense that if you pull a child aside and speak to them personally and customize each tip and bit of advice to them individually and let them understand you know them, your small bit of advice will resonate more strongly.

    And the second idea – the one in which you allow the kids, the players, let the drill emerge as they see it happening, allows them find play and individual expression and joy in creating each moment, because the play comes from their own personal expression of skill and ability.

    These ideas are aptly applied to our work. Daniel Coyle has spent the last few years studying just such coaches and players on a world class level and found numerous examples of how the best players and coaches mine and build brilliance from seemly “average” players, workers, contributors in almost any discipline. Join us December 7 for a live, interactive event in which Dan Coyle discusses these findings and provides clear, actionable tips on how to crack the talent code.